I have to mention something important I have forgotten to write about. I got a Costco membership. A couple of Sundays ago, the Sunday after I got to see the hockey game, I found out where the Costco was and how to get there. It is very close to one of the train lines. So I went. The process of getting into the store itself was kind of difficult as the store was just stuffed with people who all wanted something urgently. I finally figured out where the membership desk was and discovered there was a very long line or more accurately there was a very large blob of people who all wanted a new card. They were all cramming forward towards the cash registers with the people at front fighting to grab whatever cashier became available next. It truly was a terrifying scene for me to watch knowing that I too would have to take that arduous voyage to the front of the line battling whatever monsters I may come across. Luckily after about 10 minutes of looking around I found the membership applications without needing to wait in line or talk to anybody but I struggled to fill it in as it was mostly in Korean. When I put in all the information I had the application looked fairly barren. There were far more blank spaces than space that I had filled in. But I waited in the line or you could say I waded through the line and got to the register. The cashier knew what I wanted, looked at my application and said a number which I figured was the price but as I handed her my debit card she said no. I looked at her as she said a few things in Korean. I figured out that what she meant was they did not take that specific card here. She then pointed over near the entrance towards where there was an ATM. I went and got out some money, far more than I really wanted because I figured that if they did not take my debit card to pay for my membership they probably would not take it for buying anything from the store. I waited again and actually ended up with the same cashier. She smiled and quickly typed in all my information and then pointed me towards the end of the counter. I had to move down and wait again so that I could have my picture taken for my card. After a bit everything was finished and I was handed a brand new Costco card. I went inside and slowly walked around both floors just finding out where everything was. I was by myself and using the trains to get home so I could not buy too much but I was able to buy some bread, meat and cheese for sandwiches. I also took the time to go to the food court and have a couple slices of their pizza. It was very good; superior to the Mr. Pizza I had had with Ben and Jinnah. Even better I was able to get a fountain soda there which not only had free refills but had the machines out front so that you could get your own refills. A month ago that would have seemed just like the normal way of things but now it was a rare luxury that I could not help but overindulge. I had 6 or 7 cups (20 oz) of coke and yes I soon got a stomach ache and cramps as I walked to the train and then all the way home. Was it worth it? It sure felt like it at the time. But overall I would have to say yes it was worth the cost…co.
Later that week Choi took me back to Costco with his car so I could buy some soda. I ended up buying four packs of canned Dr Pepper (30 12oz cans in each) and one case of bottled Coke (30 17oz bottles). So I ended up with 120 cans and 30 bottles and spent almost 80 dollars. Choi just laughed at me and I could not help but laugh a little too. In theory it should last me two months but just having the much it will likely go a little quicker than that.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Listen
Having finished Huston Smith’s “The World’s Religions” I must once again reflect upon my continued search for the divine, the other. Every time I open a book and study even a little portion of what another religious tradition has to say about the Truth I am usually left more confused than when I began. In some ways I hate this fact but as it continues to happen I have come to appreciate the inferences that can be drawn from such a result. First it implies that there really is something out there to know beyond what we can see and touch. Second it illustrates a shared human experience over the history of this planet, the struggle over questions of meaning and purpose. And third, though by no means last, it shows that ultimately no one really knows what awaits us after death no matter how much they feel their religion has shown them.
My study of various religions has convinced me of two things first is that I cannot see any one religious tradition as being superior to another. Where one religion has failed another succeeds and often the crimes of one religion have been righted by that of another and so on. Does this mean that one religion is not ultimately superior to the others? I do not know though I doubt it and as I said before I do not think anyone else knows either. Those most convinced of the superiority of their own religion are often those clueless to the beliefs and histories of the others. But while I can see no one religion as superior to the others the second thing I have found in my studies is that all religions are not “basically the same.” Even the differences among varying groups housed within the same tradition should be seen for what they are, differences. Now the similarities between the various religions are important and worth noting. The basic ethics such as found in the 10 commandments and some version of the Golden Rule can be found in almost all religions but the differences are real and should not be swept over in a desire for unity. This is hard for me because above all else I desire peace and sometimes it feels like the easiest way for that to be achieved is just by convincing everyone that we are all the same creating some kind of super religion. But any kind of peace built upon the falsified foundation of sameness is bound to fail. For just as the geography of the earth is vast and varied so too are the great religions of the planet and how you build a solid foundation on a field is not same as how you build one upon a mountain or in a marsh. Rather it seems true peace can only be built upon genuine understanding. In Smith’s book he notes that understanding leads to love and it is the love for each and every person, which all the major religions affirm that is needed for peace. Smith is quick to observe that understand and love maintain a reciprocal relationship for just as understanding leads to love so too does love lead to understanding. They need and feed one another.
My study of religion, as well as philosophy has also allowed me to acknowledge and even appreciate mystery. For while all religions claim to have certain answers to various questions most of them maintain the belief that there are things we simply cannot know. Even as science unlocks more and more doors for us we often find only more and more questions. I love how Smith speaks of mystery. He says, “Reality is steeped in ineluctable mystery; we are born in mystery, we live in mystery, and we die in mystery.” And he is clear about what he means by mystery saying, “A mystery is that special kind of problem which for the human mind has no solution; the more we understand it, the more we become aware of additional factors relating to it that we do not understand. In mysteries what we know, and our realization of what we do not know, proceed together; the larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder. It is like the quantum world, where the more we understand its formalism, the stranger that world becomes.” (389) Similarly for me the more I study different religions the stranger both the divine and the world becomes because as one begins to see these from more than one angle one cannot but be dumbfounded both by that which is above us (divine/other) and that which is us (human).
I was born into and raised in an evangelical Protestant Christian home. From a very young age I picked up the bible and have not put it down since. As I have grown up I have learned about the many layers that make up the Christian religion both in the present and in the past. I have spent more of my time, effort, money and life on the study of Christianity then upon any other thing I did or could have done. Through this one of the things that I have learned is that Christianity is an amazingly rich and magnificent religion of which I am proud to come from. But as I dug through the layers of Christian theology and history I had to admit, partially in frustration and disappointment that no matter how much time or effort I spent in study there was just no way I could ever learn about all of it in my lifetime. In Christianity’s short existence it has grown into a mountain that cannot be climbed in the short span of a single life. So if I cannot hope to learn all there is to know about Christianity before I die there surely is no way I can learn everything about all the religions of the world before my breath gives out still I will continue. In many ways for that reason alone I understand why so many people who commit themselves to a religion never learn about the beliefs of any other. For once you have found a source of meaning in your own life how can you do anything but pour yourself into it completely. In my time at seminary I spent almost three years pouring myself into the study of ancient languages, biblical commentaries, historical treatises, ethical issues and philosophy. This time exposed me to many problems and issues that face the Christian religion that are not found among the devotional literature of the typical evangelical bookstore. And while I am thankful for those experiences as I look back one thing above all else left me disappointed and that is that nowhere in my study was it every required that I crack open a book and study about another religion. (Judaism being the one exception due Christianity’s complete dependence upon it) Some of these classes (World Religions, Islam, etc) did exist and I took them but they were always among my smallest classes containing no more than 10 to 12 students one of them amounting to only 4 students. So the one thing that could make love and understanding among different religions possible is the one thing that was not required or even encouraged by all my religious training and that is learning about the other, from the other. So even as I understand people’s desire to devote themselves wholly to one thing what happens when that one thing blinds us from all else and prevents us from the chance for something better?
Huston Smith ends his amazing book with the simplest idea; listen. He notes, as I alluded to above that when one religion claims us the first thing we do is listen to it. I went to church, read the bible and devotional literature and prayed for 14 years all so I could hear and understand God and those wiser than I about how I should live. But then I began to listen to other voices and my world could not help but change. Truly if we are to understand others; we must listen to them. The world is too small to ignore those different than ourselves. I sit here in Korea more aware than ever about how easy it is to associate what is foreign or unknown with that which is evil, bad or wrong. The only way to prevent such reactions is through mutual listening because that which is unknown will always remain as such unless we decide to learn about it. As science speeds along shrinking the world and creating more and more ways for us to connect with one another how will we use those connections? Will we use them only to speak or will we also use them to listen? Seminary taught me how to speak to others about Christianity’s spiritual wisdom but it failed to teach me how to listen to the wisdom of other religions.
I grew up being taught that it is better to give than to receive. If one passes by those who are hungry to pray at church of what value is your prayer? Similarly if one speaks to others about one’s own religion with your ears plugged how valuable are your words? For in the world of thought and wisdom truly it is better to receive (listen) than to give (speak). Smith says, “We must have the graciousness to receive as well as to give, for there is no greater way to depersonalize another than to speak without also listening.” (390) That is one of the simplest and best things I have learned from the study of other religions, at the end of the day I should just shut up and listen.
My study of various religions has convinced me of two things first is that I cannot see any one religious tradition as being superior to another. Where one religion has failed another succeeds and often the crimes of one religion have been righted by that of another and so on. Does this mean that one religion is not ultimately superior to the others? I do not know though I doubt it and as I said before I do not think anyone else knows either. Those most convinced of the superiority of their own religion are often those clueless to the beliefs and histories of the others. But while I can see no one religion as superior to the others the second thing I have found in my studies is that all religions are not “basically the same.” Even the differences among varying groups housed within the same tradition should be seen for what they are, differences. Now the similarities between the various religions are important and worth noting. The basic ethics such as found in the 10 commandments and some version of the Golden Rule can be found in almost all religions but the differences are real and should not be swept over in a desire for unity. This is hard for me because above all else I desire peace and sometimes it feels like the easiest way for that to be achieved is just by convincing everyone that we are all the same creating some kind of super religion. But any kind of peace built upon the falsified foundation of sameness is bound to fail. For just as the geography of the earth is vast and varied so too are the great religions of the planet and how you build a solid foundation on a field is not same as how you build one upon a mountain or in a marsh. Rather it seems true peace can only be built upon genuine understanding. In Smith’s book he notes that understanding leads to love and it is the love for each and every person, which all the major religions affirm that is needed for peace. Smith is quick to observe that understand and love maintain a reciprocal relationship for just as understanding leads to love so too does love lead to understanding. They need and feed one another.
My study of religion, as well as philosophy has also allowed me to acknowledge and even appreciate mystery. For while all religions claim to have certain answers to various questions most of them maintain the belief that there are things we simply cannot know. Even as science unlocks more and more doors for us we often find only more and more questions. I love how Smith speaks of mystery. He says, “Reality is steeped in ineluctable mystery; we are born in mystery, we live in mystery, and we die in mystery.” And he is clear about what he means by mystery saying, “A mystery is that special kind of problem which for the human mind has no solution; the more we understand it, the more we become aware of additional factors relating to it that we do not understand. In mysteries what we know, and our realization of what we do not know, proceed together; the larger the island of knowledge, the longer the shoreline of wonder. It is like the quantum world, where the more we understand its formalism, the stranger that world becomes.” (389) Similarly for me the more I study different religions the stranger both the divine and the world becomes because as one begins to see these from more than one angle one cannot but be dumbfounded both by that which is above us (divine/other) and that which is us (human).
I was born into and raised in an evangelical Protestant Christian home. From a very young age I picked up the bible and have not put it down since. As I have grown up I have learned about the many layers that make up the Christian religion both in the present and in the past. I have spent more of my time, effort, money and life on the study of Christianity then upon any other thing I did or could have done. Through this one of the things that I have learned is that Christianity is an amazingly rich and magnificent religion of which I am proud to come from. But as I dug through the layers of Christian theology and history I had to admit, partially in frustration and disappointment that no matter how much time or effort I spent in study there was just no way I could ever learn about all of it in my lifetime. In Christianity’s short existence it has grown into a mountain that cannot be climbed in the short span of a single life. So if I cannot hope to learn all there is to know about Christianity before I die there surely is no way I can learn everything about all the religions of the world before my breath gives out still I will continue. In many ways for that reason alone I understand why so many people who commit themselves to a religion never learn about the beliefs of any other. For once you have found a source of meaning in your own life how can you do anything but pour yourself into it completely. In my time at seminary I spent almost three years pouring myself into the study of ancient languages, biblical commentaries, historical treatises, ethical issues and philosophy. This time exposed me to many problems and issues that face the Christian religion that are not found among the devotional literature of the typical evangelical bookstore. And while I am thankful for those experiences as I look back one thing above all else left me disappointed and that is that nowhere in my study was it every required that I crack open a book and study about another religion. (Judaism being the one exception due Christianity’s complete dependence upon it) Some of these classes (World Religions, Islam, etc) did exist and I took them but they were always among my smallest classes containing no more than 10 to 12 students one of them amounting to only 4 students. So the one thing that could make love and understanding among different religions possible is the one thing that was not required or even encouraged by all my religious training and that is learning about the other, from the other. So even as I understand people’s desire to devote themselves wholly to one thing what happens when that one thing blinds us from all else and prevents us from the chance for something better?
Huston Smith ends his amazing book with the simplest idea; listen. He notes, as I alluded to above that when one religion claims us the first thing we do is listen to it. I went to church, read the bible and devotional literature and prayed for 14 years all so I could hear and understand God and those wiser than I about how I should live. But then I began to listen to other voices and my world could not help but change. Truly if we are to understand others; we must listen to them. The world is too small to ignore those different than ourselves. I sit here in Korea more aware than ever about how easy it is to associate what is foreign or unknown with that which is evil, bad or wrong. The only way to prevent such reactions is through mutual listening because that which is unknown will always remain as such unless we decide to learn about it. As science speeds along shrinking the world and creating more and more ways for us to connect with one another how will we use those connections? Will we use them only to speak or will we also use them to listen? Seminary taught me how to speak to others about Christianity’s spiritual wisdom but it failed to teach me how to listen to the wisdom of other religions.
I grew up being taught that it is better to give than to receive. If one passes by those who are hungry to pray at church of what value is your prayer? Similarly if one speaks to others about one’s own religion with your ears plugged how valuable are your words? For in the world of thought and wisdom truly it is better to receive (listen) than to give (speak). Smith says, “We must have the graciousness to receive as well as to give, for there is no greater way to depersonalize another than to speak without also listening.” (390) That is one of the simplest and best things I have learned from the study of other religions, at the end of the day I should just shut up and listen.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
You'll Always Remember Your First Time
The old stories continue and in an effort to catch up fun details will likely slip through the cracks but that is okay.
On Saturday, April 3rd I got up fairly early in order to go hiking. I had received an invitation on Facebook from Tony about going to Bukhansan which is a mountain near Seoul. The name literal means “North Mountain.” Tony is one of the guys I met last weekend on my birthday. He is very outgoing and very easy to like.
I left earlier then I needed to, as usual and headed to the station everyone was supposed to meet at. At this point I had no idea who was coming on this hike. When I confirmed that I was going to go on Facebook there was one other person who said they might come and all the other responses were negative. My ride was fairly relaxing for two reasons. First I have just become comfortable with the train, I know where the stops are, how to transfer and how to use my transportation card. Second this was the first trip I was taking in which I possessed a cell phone. That meant of course that no matter what happened I could always get a hold of Tony to figure out what went wrong. My previous adventures all depended on a more tedious type of planning that demanded all details to be worked out and known in advance before I ever left my apartment and I just had to hope it worked out.
I arrived at the designated meeting place about half an hour early so I just hung out. During my time sitting there I saw many people flowing through the train station in hiking gear clearly ready for action. In fact most of the people I saw looked as if they had just stepped out of a North Face ad or worked for Columbia. I felt like I was sitting in a REI store and I began to wonder if I had under estimated what type of hiking we were going to be doing. I was just wearing a basic jacket, a pair of khakis and some tennis shoes. This was one of the few times I did not bring my backpack because I did not think I needed it for anything. But doubt crept in as I found myself surrounded by a sea of backpacks all stuffed with various items like water bottles, extra layers, food, walking sticks and even a few flash lights. I was fairly sure I did not need one of those.
Once it was 10:30 I gave Tony a quick text and found out he was going to be there in about 10 minutes. While I waited a girl came over to me and I immediately recognized her but did not know her name. She asked if I was waiting for Tony and I said yes. Her name was Chelsea. She had been at the restaurant the week before on my birthday but her and I never actually met. So we hung out in the sun waiting for Tony. Chelsea was born in Korea but was adopted and grew up in Kentucky. I believe she has two brothers one is also Korean and one is Chinese both who were also adopted, all that to say Chelsea is American. She went to the University of Kentucky where she studied linguistics. She knows Spanish and French and some Korean. She said she actually does not know Korean very well yet. In a way it is even more difficult for her not knowing Korean then it is for me. Because of how she looks it is assumed she speaks Korean fluently whereas due to the way I look I have no expectations placed on me. In fact if I say anything in Korean, even just hello I am often greeted with a face of cheerful surprise.
When Tony showed up we exchanged our hellos and then headed towards a bus stop. It turns out that the trail head was not exactly near the train station so you needed to take a bus there. As we approached the stop there was a huge line of people waiting for the same bus as us. We saw a bus pull up, fill up and take off having barely put a dent in the mass of people ahead of us. So we decided to grab a taxi despite the extra cost. The taxi driver was insane or at least drove as such so we were moving along quite quickly but it still took us almost 15 minutes to get to the trail head. I’m glad we did not wait for the bus. There were some small shops at the base of the mountain so before we headed up I bought a small bottle of water seeing that I was the only one of us who was not wearing a backpack and had not come with either water or food. I then bought some Kimbop, which is a traditional Korean food that is taken on picnics or hikes probably in part to the fact that it is so easy to carry. It is very similar to a simple California role.
As we began the journey up the trail was just packed with people. I really do not believe I have ever been hiking among such a large sea of people. I guess I should be used to that by now but I was surprised. So a lot of the energy used in the early potion of the hike was spent trying to get around other hikers of various ages walking at various speeds. During the entire hike there was one lady in particular who we passed four times. This was due to the fact that during the hike we stopped multiple times to look at various prayer areas and ritual sites as well as just wondering off the path a little to get a better view of what was around us. But each time we began hiking again we would invariability run into this woman, actually this couple who found a way to take up the entire path and walk just fast enough that it was extremely difficult to jump around her on wider parts of the path. She was older probably in her 60s, wore a hot pink jump suit and walked with her head down at a seemingly never changing pace.
At the top of the mountain was a large gate with a large wall extending from it on both sides. The wall ran all along the ridge of the mountain with some breaks and worn down areas. I believe it was built sometime in the early 1700s but I might be wrong about that. Whenever it was it was a while ago. So we sat down and ate our Kimbop and enjoyed the view. We could see the entire city from where we were, which meant looking in a complete circle for the city surrounded the entire mountain stretching out in all directions. As we got ready to leave we decided to climb down the other side of the mountain instead of going back the way we came. We figured that we would end up somewhere by another train station and it was in the general direction that we ultimately wanted to go. We were headed toward a place in Seoul called Itaewon, which is where a large portion of the foreigners live. And due to that it meant it was a place with a lot of Western food and bars. Tony knew of a Canadian style bar which played hockey games. Tony is Canadian and loves hockey and he knew I loved it too. There was just no way I was going to miss out on a chance to see some hockey.
The trip down was extremely long, much further than the climb up the other side had been. We actually had to stop a few more times than on the way up just to rest. Chelsea also wanted to take some pictures. And sure enough as we pulled to the side of the trail to rest a minute an old lady in a bright pink jump suit moved past us. I could not believe it. We all laughed and enjoyed the fact that slow and steady really does win the race, way to go tortoise. My shins were killing me by the time we finally reached the bottom. We came out in a small town filled with a mixture of large luxurious homes and small, older cabin like homes along with several shops and stores. We found a taxi and headed off to the closest train station. It was not very far from where we were and it was closer to our final destination then if we had gone back the other way. In all we hiked for about 4 hours and covered almost 11 kilometers (6.8 miles).
The train ride was a bit long but it was simple. We just sat and chatted while we headed for the bar called the Rocky Mountain Bar (ah memories of home). As we came out of the train and into the station at Itaewon within 5 minutes I saw more foreigners (non-Koreans) than I had the entire month I have been here. The bar was close so that was nice. It was fairly small and designed to look like a mountain lodge with Canadian flags and hockey stuff decorating the walls. When we walked in they were playing a game between Montreal and Philadelphia. I was instantly happy to be seeing what I was seeing despite having no care about the two teams playing. We sat down at a table with two of Tony’s friends who had been waiting for us, Andrew and Dennis (not sure I got that name right). They are both Canadian as well so within minutes hockey was being talked about by everyone at the table except Chelsea. Let’s just say hockey was not really of great interest to her. I was sitting next to her so I tried to jump out of the hockey conversation and talk with her about other stuff. It kind of worked but every now and then I heard something that I just had to comment on.
The bar had normal bar food; chicken wings, pizza, quesadillas and the like. I grabbed myself a chicken quesadilla and a diet coke. After I drained my diet coke within seconds I discovered that there were not free refills. I was not super excited by that especially since my coke was almost as expensive as the beer everyone else was drinking. As we sat there the game turned off suddenly in the middle of the second period. I was confused but they said that they were going to start another game from the beginning. All these games had already been played and we were just watching them taped but of course none of us knew the scores so it did not matter. The new game that popped up was between the Colorado Avs and Calgary Flames. I could not believe it. Tony laughed and told the other guys that the Avs were my team. They looked at me and reminded me how important this game was. If the Flames won they would pull into a tie with us for the 8th and final playoff spot. I told them I was aware of that fact. Part of me was super excited that I was going to get to see the Avs of all teams but then part of me was not sure I wanted these people to see me during an important Avs game. I joked with them, warning them about my overzealous aggression and they told me I did not have to explain myself as they felt the same way for their teams.
As the game started a few more of our friends showed up, Cheena and Andrew (a different Andrew). This worked out well because Cheena provided someone else who did not care about hockey for Chelsea to talk to as I became engrossed in the game. It was like watching playoff hockey. The game was rough and filled with play in the middle of the ice as both teams focused mostly on strong defense. So there was not a lot of scoring or even scoring chances. We were actually at the bar for the entire game so I got to witness the Avs lose again, this was their fourth loss in a row, and to a team that was now in a great position to kick us out of the playoffs. I was not overly happy but the guys were nice about it and began talking about all the horrible spots their teams were in. Tony is an Edmonton Oilers fan and reminded me how badly they were doing. And they all affirmed that the Avs were having a great season considering what was expected from them. They were supposed to be one of the worst teams in the NHL this year. I said I knew that and that I should be happy but once your team gets your hopes up it is hard not to except more from them. But I actually got over it pretty quickly and once again just enjoyed talking to everyone.
Now during this time I had ordered one more coke to have with my quesadilla. But as everyone around me was drinking beer I could not help but wonder what it was like. In fact this was something I had been thinking about since my night out on my birthday. My pattern of not drinking is simply that, a pattern. I have no moral or ethical qualms with it I just do not do it. Now no one there was worried about it or sought to pressure me in any way but I admit I was curious about how the beer tasted. Tony told me that if I wanted some I could go for it. The table just had large pitchers in the middle. So I grabbed a glass and filled it maybe a quarter of the way full. I let it sit in front of me for at least 10 minutes without touching it. Chelsea noticed at one point asking me if I was actually going to have some. I joke with her that I honestly did not know. I felt like I was doing something wrong at least in the sense I could not decide if this was a part of myself I wanted to change. I think I was worried first that I would actually like it and two that I was only doing this to fit in and I hated that idea. But in truth that is exactly why I was doing this. I wanted to be a part of the group. It actually is similar to how I have tried to be with the food here and Korean culture in general. I have tried to just go with the flow and experience new things. If I was in the US I do not think the “temptation” would have been as strong.
So I finally went for it and took my first sip. As I actually expected I was not overly excited by the taste. At first I thought it was horrible but then just let it sit and realized it was okay but still probably not my thing. Chelsea laughed and said it is something I have to develop a taste for and after 10 or 11 I would probably love it. I laughed wondering why anyone would do that. But even as I thought that it reminded me of my conversion to diet coke. It took months for me to begin to like diet coke but after I did it was my favorite drink. During that long process there were people who asked why I was doing it why not just stop drinking it? I did not have a great answer except that I like soda or at least the kind I used to have. Anyway it made me a little more understanding of the idea of developing a taste for something. So during the course of the third period I took occasional sips until it my fourth of a cup was gone. While it was not suddenly great I did find it was a little better each time. Perhaps more than anything it was just nice to have it in front of me so I could say cheers with everyone else anytime someone wanted to. When Tony noticed my glass was empty he asked if I wanted more. I told him that I thought I had had a little too much and was not sure I could drive tonight. They laughed at me of course and then Chelsea grabbed a pitcher and put some more in my cup, again about a fourth of a cup. Again I just let it sit there. Now I don’t know if it is just because I have this need to always be drinking what is in front of me or that I was actually starting to like it but I did drink it and a little faster than the previous one. Now one of things I started to notice that I did not expect was that it made me warm inside not cold despite the drink being cold itself. It created this warming sensation in my stomach that actually warmed up my entire body and I cannot lie, I liked that. So as the night progressed I had a bit more and a bit more until I had what amount to one glass of beer. Now I know that is not very much but I could feel something maybe you could call it a small buzz but nothing major happened. After I had my drink I discovered, it was not bad and I had not suddenly sacrificed who I was as a person in the process. It truly was nice to feel like I was a part of the group in some way and I like just how slowly I could drink beer. I pretty much took two hours to drink what amounted to one beer. At this time I still have no desire to convert and make beer my favorite drink but I admit I will probably have more at different times just to fit in. Wow even writing that is weird, part of me is screaming at myself for how terrible that makes me I should never submit to the group rather I should remain an individual, different and standing up for what I believe in. But the other part of me realizes there isn't anything I believe in that is affect by drinking and at times it is not only okay but good to be a part of a group and have fellowship, if I can call it that, with others.
By 10pm everyone in the group was ready to go but of course part of the group was simply ready to go somewhere else. At first I thought I could go along with that but even as we walked outside I could feel that my legs had tightened up and I was just tired. The next bar they picked was chosen because it was playing a soccer match between Manchester United and Chelsea back in England. Now this bar was packed, it was like being on a subway. There really was nowhere to sit or stand where we were not in the way of the servers trying to get to each table. Tony and I both decided to get out and wait outside. We chatted for a while and then Chelsea and Cheena came out and we all decided to head home. They were all as tired as I was and Cheena had actually been sick early in the week and so was ready to call it night. By the time we got to the train, rode it to our various stations (mine was the furthest away) and had walked home I found myself walking into my apartment right at midnight. So Saturday was over. It was a great day, probably the most fun day overall that I have had since I got here.
On Saturday, April 3rd I got up fairly early in order to go hiking. I had received an invitation on Facebook from Tony about going to Bukhansan which is a mountain near Seoul. The name literal means “North Mountain.” Tony is one of the guys I met last weekend on my birthday. He is very outgoing and very easy to like.
I left earlier then I needed to, as usual and headed to the station everyone was supposed to meet at. At this point I had no idea who was coming on this hike. When I confirmed that I was going to go on Facebook there was one other person who said they might come and all the other responses were negative. My ride was fairly relaxing for two reasons. First I have just become comfortable with the train, I know where the stops are, how to transfer and how to use my transportation card. Second this was the first trip I was taking in which I possessed a cell phone. That meant of course that no matter what happened I could always get a hold of Tony to figure out what went wrong. My previous adventures all depended on a more tedious type of planning that demanded all details to be worked out and known in advance before I ever left my apartment and I just had to hope it worked out.
I arrived at the designated meeting place about half an hour early so I just hung out. During my time sitting there I saw many people flowing through the train station in hiking gear clearly ready for action. In fact most of the people I saw looked as if they had just stepped out of a North Face ad or worked for Columbia. I felt like I was sitting in a REI store and I began to wonder if I had under estimated what type of hiking we were going to be doing. I was just wearing a basic jacket, a pair of khakis and some tennis shoes. This was one of the few times I did not bring my backpack because I did not think I needed it for anything. But doubt crept in as I found myself surrounded by a sea of backpacks all stuffed with various items like water bottles, extra layers, food, walking sticks and even a few flash lights. I was fairly sure I did not need one of those.
Once it was 10:30 I gave Tony a quick text and found out he was going to be there in about 10 minutes. While I waited a girl came over to me and I immediately recognized her but did not know her name. She asked if I was waiting for Tony and I said yes. Her name was Chelsea. She had been at the restaurant the week before on my birthday but her and I never actually met. So we hung out in the sun waiting for Tony. Chelsea was born in Korea but was adopted and grew up in Kentucky. I believe she has two brothers one is also Korean and one is Chinese both who were also adopted, all that to say Chelsea is American. She went to the University of Kentucky where she studied linguistics. She knows Spanish and French and some Korean. She said she actually does not know Korean very well yet. In a way it is even more difficult for her not knowing Korean then it is for me. Because of how she looks it is assumed she speaks Korean fluently whereas due to the way I look I have no expectations placed on me. In fact if I say anything in Korean, even just hello I am often greeted with a face of cheerful surprise.
When Tony showed up we exchanged our hellos and then headed towards a bus stop. It turns out that the trail head was not exactly near the train station so you needed to take a bus there. As we approached the stop there was a huge line of people waiting for the same bus as us. We saw a bus pull up, fill up and take off having barely put a dent in the mass of people ahead of us. So we decided to grab a taxi despite the extra cost. The taxi driver was insane or at least drove as such so we were moving along quite quickly but it still took us almost 15 minutes to get to the trail head. I’m glad we did not wait for the bus. There were some small shops at the base of the mountain so before we headed up I bought a small bottle of water seeing that I was the only one of us who was not wearing a backpack and had not come with either water or food. I then bought some Kimbop, which is a traditional Korean food that is taken on picnics or hikes probably in part to the fact that it is so easy to carry. It is very similar to a simple California role.
As we began the journey up the trail was just packed with people. I really do not believe I have ever been hiking among such a large sea of people. I guess I should be used to that by now but I was surprised. So a lot of the energy used in the early potion of the hike was spent trying to get around other hikers of various ages walking at various speeds. During the entire hike there was one lady in particular who we passed four times. This was due to the fact that during the hike we stopped multiple times to look at various prayer areas and ritual sites as well as just wondering off the path a little to get a better view of what was around us. But each time we began hiking again we would invariability run into this woman, actually this couple who found a way to take up the entire path and walk just fast enough that it was extremely difficult to jump around her on wider parts of the path. She was older probably in her 60s, wore a hot pink jump suit and walked with her head down at a seemingly never changing pace.
At the top of the mountain was a large gate with a large wall extending from it on both sides. The wall ran all along the ridge of the mountain with some breaks and worn down areas. I believe it was built sometime in the early 1700s but I might be wrong about that. Whenever it was it was a while ago. So we sat down and ate our Kimbop and enjoyed the view. We could see the entire city from where we were, which meant looking in a complete circle for the city surrounded the entire mountain stretching out in all directions. As we got ready to leave we decided to climb down the other side of the mountain instead of going back the way we came. We figured that we would end up somewhere by another train station and it was in the general direction that we ultimately wanted to go. We were headed toward a place in Seoul called Itaewon, which is where a large portion of the foreigners live. And due to that it meant it was a place with a lot of Western food and bars. Tony knew of a Canadian style bar which played hockey games. Tony is Canadian and loves hockey and he knew I loved it too. There was just no way I was going to miss out on a chance to see some hockey.
The trip down was extremely long, much further than the climb up the other side had been. We actually had to stop a few more times than on the way up just to rest. Chelsea also wanted to take some pictures. And sure enough as we pulled to the side of the trail to rest a minute an old lady in a bright pink jump suit moved past us. I could not believe it. We all laughed and enjoyed the fact that slow and steady really does win the race, way to go tortoise. My shins were killing me by the time we finally reached the bottom. We came out in a small town filled with a mixture of large luxurious homes and small, older cabin like homes along with several shops and stores. We found a taxi and headed off to the closest train station. It was not very far from where we were and it was closer to our final destination then if we had gone back the other way. In all we hiked for about 4 hours and covered almost 11 kilometers (6.8 miles).
The train ride was a bit long but it was simple. We just sat and chatted while we headed for the bar called the Rocky Mountain Bar (ah memories of home). As we came out of the train and into the station at Itaewon within 5 minutes I saw more foreigners (non-Koreans) than I had the entire month I have been here. The bar was close so that was nice. It was fairly small and designed to look like a mountain lodge with Canadian flags and hockey stuff decorating the walls. When we walked in they were playing a game between Montreal and Philadelphia. I was instantly happy to be seeing what I was seeing despite having no care about the two teams playing. We sat down at a table with two of Tony’s friends who had been waiting for us, Andrew and Dennis (not sure I got that name right). They are both Canadian as well so within minutes hockey was being talked about by everyone at the table except Chelsea. Let’s just say hockey was not really of great interest to her. I was sitting next to her so I tried to jump out of the hockey conversation and talk with her about other stuff. It kind of worked but every now and then I heard something that I just had to comment on.
The bar had normal bar food; chicken wings, pizza, quesadillas and the like. I grabbed myself a chicken quesadilla and a diet coke. After I drained my diet coke within seconds I discovered that there were not free refills. I was not super excited by that especially since my coke was almost as expensive as the beer everyone else was drinking. As we sat there the game turned off suddenly in the middle of the second period. I was confused but they said that they were going to start another game from the beginning. All these games had already been played and we were just watching them taped but of course none of us knew the scores so it did not matter. The new game that popped up was between the Colorado Avs and Calgary Flames. I could not believe it. Tony laughed and told the other guys that the Avs were my team. They looked at me and reminded me how important this game was. If the Flames won they would pull into a tie with us for the 8th and final playoff spot. I told them I was aware of that fact. Part of me was super excited that I was going to get to see the Avs of all teams but then part of me was not sure I wanted these people to see me during an important Avs game. I joked with them, warning them about my overzealous aggression and they told me I did not have to explain myself as they felt the same way for their teams.
As the game started a few more of our friends showed up, Cheena and Andrew (a different Andrew). This worked out well because Cheena provided someone else who did not care about hockey for Chelsea to talk to as I became engrossed in the game. It was like watching playoff hockey. The game was rough and filled with play in the middle of the ice as both teams focused mostly on strong defense. So there was not a lot of scoring or even scoring chances. We were actually at the bar for the entire game so I got to witness the Avs lose again, this was their fourth loss in a row, and to a team that was now in a great position to kick us out of the playoffs. I was not overly happy but the guys were nice about it and began talking about all the horrible spots their teams were in. Tony is an Edmonton Oilers fan and reminded me how badly they were doing. And they all affirmed that the Avs were having a great season considering what was expected from them. They were supposed to be one of the worst teams in the NHL this year. I said I knew that and that I should be happy but once your team gets your hopes up it is hard not to except more from them. But I actually got over it pretty quickly and once again just enjoyed talking to everyone.
Now during this time I had ordered one more coke to have with my quesadilla. But as everyone around me was drinking beer I could not help but wonder what it was like. In fact this was something I had been thinking about since my night out on my birthday. My pattern of not drinking is simply that, a pattern. I have no moral or ethical qualms with it I just do not do it. Now no one there was worried about it or sought to pressure me in any way but I admit I was curious about how the beer tasted. Tony told me that if I wanted some I could go for it. The table just had large pitchers in the middle. So I grabbed a glass and filled it maybe a quarter of the way full. I let it sit in front of me for at least 10 minutes without touching it. Chelsea noticed at one point asking me if I was actually going to have some. I joke with her that I honestly did not know. I felt like I was doing something wrong at least in the sense I could not decide if this was a part of myself I wanted to change. I think I was worried first that I would actually like it and two that I was only doing this to fit in and I hated that idea. But in truth that is exactly why I was doing this. I wanted to be a part of the group. It actually is similar to how I have tried to be with the food here and Korean culture in general. I have tried to just go with the flow and experience new things. If I was in the US I do not think the “temptation” would have been as strong.
So I finally went for it and took my first sip. As I actually expected I was not overly excited by the taste. At first I thought it was horrible but then just let it sit and realized it was okay but still probably not my thing. Chelsea laughed and said it is something I have to develop a taste for and after 10 or 11 I would probably love it. I laughed wondering why anyone would do that. But even as I thought that it reminded me of my conversion to diet coke. It took months for me to begin to like diet coke but after I did it was my favorite drink. During that long process there were people who asked why I was doing it why not just stop drinking it? I did not have a great answer except that I like soda or at least the kind I used to have. Anyway it made me a little more understanding of the idea of developing a taste for something. So during the course of the third period I took occasional sips until it my fourth of a cup was gone. While it was not suddenly great I did find it was a little better each time. Perhaps more than anything it was just nice to have it in front of me so I could say cheers with everyone else anytime someone wanted to. When Tony noticed my glass was empty he asked if I wanted more. I told him that I thought I had had a little too much and was not sure I could drive tonight. They laughed at me of course and then Chelsea grabbed a pitcher and put some more in my cup, again about a fourth of a cup. Again I just let it sit there. Now I don’t know if it is just because I have this need to always be drinking what is in front of me or that I was actually starting to like it but I did drink it and a little faster than the previous one. Now one of things I started to notice that I did not expect was that it made me warm inside not cold despite the drink being cold itself. It created this warming sensation in my stomach that actually warmed up my entire body and I cannot lie, I liked that. So as the night progressed I had a bit more and a bit more until I had what amount to one glass of beer. Now I know that is not very much but I could feel something maybe you could call it a small buzz but nothing major happened. After I had my drink I discovered, it was not bad and I had not suddenly sacrificed who I was as a person in the process. It truly was nice to feel like I was a part of the group in some way and I like just how slowly I could drink beer. I pretty much took two hours to drink what amounted to one beer. At this time I still have no desire to convert and make beer my favorite drink but I admit I will probably have more at different times just to fit in. Wow even writing that is weird, part of me is screaming at myself for how terrible that makes me I should never submit to the group rather I should remain an individual, different and standing up for what I believe in. But the other part of me realizes there isn't anything I believe in that is affect by drinking and at times it is not only okay but good to be a part of a group and have fellowship, if I can call it that, with others.
By 10pm everyone in the group was ready to go but of course part of the group was simply ready to go somewhere else. At first I thought I could go along with that but even as we walked outside I could feel that my legs had tightened up and I was just tired. The next bar they picked was chosen because it was playing a soccer match between Manchester United and Chelsea back in England. Now this bar was packed, it was like being on a subway. There really was nowhere to sit or stand where we were not in the way of the servers trying to get to each table. Tony and I both decided to get out and wait outside. We chatted for a while and then Chelsea and Cheena came out and we all decided to head home. They were all as tired as I was and Cheena had actually been sick early in the week and so was ready to call it night. By the time we got to the train, rode it to our various stations (mine was the furthest away) and had walked home I found myself walking into my apartment right at midnight. So Saturday was over. It was a great day, probably the most fun day overall that I have had since I got here.
No Safety Net
Okay so I’m getting behind. The past few days have been quite busy, mostly in a good way. So much has happened that I am not really sure how far back I am going to go. For my own sake I believe I will merely go back to Thursday night, April 1st. On Thursday I had a fairly simple day because all my classes had been cancelled. A lot of the day was spent going to the bank and trying to figure out all my online banking options. Even with the help of one of the other English teacher’s and the bank’s service agent I was not able to transfer money from my account here to my account back in the US. It was a frustrating process in that it took almost two hours and four phone calls to the bank to ultimately gain nothing. Besides that I worked on lesson planning for Friday. On Fridays I have my 4th grade advanced class and the class for the teachers. After the day was over I headed home. After being home for less than half an hour I got a call from Choi and he told me that he would not be at school the next day so I was going to have to do all our classes by myself. My initial reaction was a nervous acceptance followed by a fair level of irritation. Without the internet at home it is very difficult to do strong lesson planning on short notice. While we do have our textbook we never rely solely upon it and often we have learning games or activities that Choi either picks himself or we talk about in the morning before class. So my irritation came from the simple fact that I would not be able to get a lot done at home now and I had just had a wide open day that would have easily allowed me to be ready to teach alone. But I did what I could at home and just got up very early and headed off to school.
I got to school almost two hours before school started. I had come up with some ideas to go along with the lesson plan but I used the internet to grab some more ideas. The part of lesson planning that is truly difficult to do on short notice is finding and preparing all the materials you will need. Many ideas sound great but you can only do the ones that will work with the materials in your hands. This week I have been trying to encourage the kids to work on their dialogue journals. Their journals are an optional assignment so many kids do not do them. I have been trying to show them how helpful they are in learning English as well as trying to take away some of their fear in doing them by giving them tips on how to make writing easier. One thing I started doing is writing my own journal and sharing it with them. I’ll tell a simple story about something I did and allow them to have a copy of it. This has allowed me to show them the types of things they can write about (the journals do not have be about wonderful or exciting things but can simply be about the best dinner you had that week) and teach them about the different tenses in English (past, present, future). Many of the kids only know how to write in the present tense or if they do use the other tenses they mix them up or just use all of them at different points in their stories. I have tried to show them that “most” of the time when you are writing in your journal you will be using the past tense because most often you are writing about things you did in the past. So on Friday I continued with that pattern the only difference was I stretched it a bit longer than I had done in the other classes that week by giving them a short handout to practice the past tense. Once the classes started my concern about being alone was overcome for the most part. It was funny to see that after I explained to each class that the Korean teacher would not be there that day a certain fear crossed their faces because they knew as well as I did that it was not going to be as easy as it has been for us to understand one another. I have been here long enough to know who the more advanced students are in each class so while I explained things I also used them to make sure that the other kids understood what was going on. The most difficult part of being alone was dealing with the issue of discipline. One of the great advantages of being the native English speaker and having a co-teacher is that the co-teacher tends to be the one who deals with most of the discipline issues. So while the kids are starting to understand my expectations it became clear quickly that they were going to see just how much they could get away with while the Korean teacher was not there. In each class I was quick to remind everyone of the classroom rules but they are kids so of course there were numerous instances of them fooling around, hitting one another and just not listening. I had to raise my voice multiple times to get the kids to listen to me as well as make an example of a few kids who kept disregarding the rules. Some of the kids are quite sneaking. They speak English quite well and loved showing off their skills but then when they were caught doing something wrong they suddenly pretend to have no idea what I was saying. Thankfully that had happened to me enough times before Friday that I was not conned by any of the kids that day. The classes were difficult but moved by much faster than normal and so the day passed on fairly quickly.
My last class of the day was for the teachers and this week we focused on the topic of food. We talked about American meals and restaurants and contrasting them with Korean ones. One of the most interesting parts about American restaurants to them is the idea of tipping. In Korea there are no tips for servers at restaurants or for delivery or for anything and they find it quite odd that we give tips. It did not take long for me to realize how difficult it would be for someone who had never left a tip to know how to when placed in an American restaurant. They wanted to know why we left tips and how much they were supposed to be and the answer I kept falling back on was, “it depends.” While in theory tips are supposed to be a reward for good service I had to explain to them that they are pretty much just an understood part of the price of the meal. Even really bad servers get tips they are just usually smaller than that of a good server. That was so bizarre to them. I then had to try and explain the concept of cheap and generous to them as they kept asking me for the exact amount they were supposed to tip a server. Beyond that I had to explain sales taxes to them. There are no sales taxes in Korea. The price you see is the price you pay, mostly. So as I showed them examples of menus from the USA and they saw how much more food cost in America I also had to remind them that the prices they were looking at did not include the tax or the tip. I then explained to them how amazed I have been since arriving here to see how much less expensive food is here then back in America. It was a fun class. The class with the teachers always goes to fast. I stuck around and talked with a few people for a while but then headed home and got to enjoy a nice relaxing evening.
I got to school almost two hours before school started. I had come up with some ideas to go along with the lesson plan but I used the internet to grab some more ideas. The part of lesson planning that is truly difficult to do on short notice is finding and preparing all the materials you will need. Many ideas sound great but you can only do the ones that will work with the materials in your hands. This week I have been trying to encourage the kids to work on their dialogue journals. Their journals are an optional assignment so many kids do not do them. I have been trying to show them how helpful they are in learning English as well as trying to take away some of their fear in doing them by giving them tips on how to make writing easier. One thing I started doing is writing my own journal and sharing it with them. I’ll tell a simple story about something I did and allow them to have a copy of it. This has allowed me to show them the types of things they can write about (the journals do not have be about wonderful or exciting things but can simply be about the best dinner you had that week) and teach them about the different tenses in English (past, present, future). Many of the kids only know how to write in the present tense or if they do use the other tenses they mix them up or just use all of them at different points in their stories. I have tried to show them that “most” of the time when you are writing in your journal you will be using the past tense because most often you are writing about things you did in the past. So on Friday I continued with that pattern the only difference was I stretched it a bit longer than I had done in the other classes that week by giving them a short handout to practice the past tense. Once the classes started my concern about being alone was overcome for the most part. It was funny to see that after I explained to each class that the Korean teacher would not be there that day a certain fear crossed their faces because they knew as well as I did that it was not going to be as easy as it has been for us to understand one another. I have been here long enough to know who the more advanced students are in each class so while I explained things I also used them to make sure that the other kids understood what was going on. The most difficult part of being alone was dealing with the issue of discipline. One of the great advantages of being the native English speaker and having a co-teacher is that the co-teacher tends to be the one who deals with most of the discipline issues. So while the kids are starting to understand my expectations it became clear quickly that they were going to see just how much they could get away with while the Korean teacher was not there. In each class I was quick to remind everyone of the classroom rules but they are kids so of course there were numerous instances of them fooling around, hitting one another and just not listening. I had to raise my voice multiple times to get the kids to listen to me as well as make an example of a few kids who kept disregarding the rules. Some of the kids are quite sneaking. They speak English quite well and loved showing off their skills but then when they were caught doing something wrong they suddenly pretend to have no idea what I was saying. Thankfully that had happened to me enough times before Friday that I was not conned by any of the kids that day. The classes were difficult but moved by much faster than normal and so the day passed on fairly quickly.
My last class of the day was for the teachers and this week we focused on the topic of food. We talked about American meals and restaurants and contrasting them with Korean ones. One of the most interesting parts about American restaurants to them is the idea of tipping. In Korea there are no tips for servers at restaurants or for delivery or for anything and they find it quite odd that we give tips. It did not take long for me to realize how difficult it would be for someone who had never left a tip to know how to when placed in an American restaurant. They wanted to know why we left tips and how much they were supposed to be and the answer I kept falling back on was, “it depends.” While in theory tips are supposed to be a reward for good service I had to explain to them that they are pretty much just an understood part of the price of the meal. Even really bad servers get tips they are just usually smaller than that of a good server. That was so bizarre to them. I then had to try and explain the concept of cheap and generous to them as they kept asking me for the exact amount they were supposed to tip a server. Beyond that I had to explain sales taxes to them. There are no sales taxes in Korea. The price you see is the price you pay, mostly. So as I showed them examples of menus from the USA and they saw how much more food cost in America I also had to remind them that the prices they were looking at did not include the tax or the tip. I then explained to them how amazed I have been since arriving here to see how much less expensive food is here then back in America. It was a fun class. The class with the teachers always goes to fast. I stuck around and talked with a few people for a while but then headed home and got to enjoy a nice relaxing evening.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Awake
April 4, 2010
Since coming to Korea I have been reading about Buddhism and most recently I have been trying to find and read sayings of the Buddha himself. Since then I have been very antsy to write about what I have found and yet I am also very hesitant as I realize I have barely touched the surface of this great and amazing tradition. In truth I only have my gut reactions to share based on limited reading. So I write both eagerly and cautiously.
I have studied Buddhism before in a few classes so when I opened some new books about Buddhism I was not beginning from scratch. But most of what I knew or at least remembered from these classes was historical. I knew the rough sketch of the Buddha’s (Siddhartha Gautama of the Sakyas) life and a little about the spread of Buddhism but that was about all. I could not have told you anything significant about what Buddha taught except a few of the big concepts like the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold Path but of course I could not have told you what those actually were. And even after a few weeks of reading I still mix them up and forget them but what has changed is that I feel like I have experienced something I never had before. I have experienced an encounter with the Buddha. Even as I write that I am not sure what I mean by it. I did not have some spiritual epiphany or out of body experience. The clouds did not part nor did an angel speak to me. But in a small way I did hear a voice. Not in my head but simply on the pages in front of me as I read the words of Buddha. Now whether the words I read were ever actually spoken by the Buddha or not I have no idea. I have spent years studying the Gospels and have seen them examined from every angle to determine what was genuinely said by Jesus verses the author’s creative license and like most things people do not agree. I know that similar studies exist concerning the historical life of the Buddha and trying to determine what he actually taught verses what later believers simply added. But those issues do not concern me here because when I read these words I was affected. I knew I was hearing the words of someone who was different, who was special. I can honestly say it reminded me of many of my experiences with the Gospels.. When I read what Jesus said I knew I was reading the words of someone who was different, who was special. One of the books I have been reading is called “The World’s Religions” by Huston Smith and much of what I write here comes from exposure to that text and the sources it relies on. (I do recommend it to anyone. It gives you the meat of a textbook with the artistry of a story) In it Smith says,
How many people have provoked this question-not “Who are you?” with respect to name, origin, or ancestry, but “What are you? What order of being do you belong to? What species do you represent?” Not Caesar, certainly. Not Napoleon, or even Socrates. Only two: Jesus and Buddha. When the people carried their puzzlement to the Buddha himself, the answer he gave provided an identity for his entire message.
“Are you a god?” they asked. “No.” “An Angel?” “No” “A saint?” “No.” “Then what are you?”
Buddha answered, “I am awake.” (Hudson Smith p.82)
In my reading I have been shown that so many things common to all religions such as authority, speculation, rituals and tradition all seem to be completely absent in the teachings of Buddha. Buddha preached a religion devoid of authority, which instantly caught my attention. For like Christ with the Sadducees and Pharisees he was preaching against a group, the Brahmins, who held a monopolistic grip on religious authority and teachings and sought to make it accessible to all. But unlike Christ Buddha does not replace one religious authority with another instead he challenges individuals not to passively accept what the religious authorities are telling them and instead to do their own religious seeking.
“Do not accept what you hear by report, do not accept tradition, do not accept a statement because it is found in our books, nor because it is in accord with your belief, nor because it is the saying of your teacher. Be lamps unto yourselves. Those who, either now or after I am dead, shall rely upon themselves only and not look for assistance to anyone besides themselves, it is they who shall reach the topmost height.” (Smith, 94-quoted from E.A. Burtt’s The Teachings of the Compassionate Buddha, 1955)
I was both comforted and stung by these words. I love that every time Buddha had the chance to accept the faith of others and place himself above them he did not do it. Instead he placed the burden of enlightenment back upon the individual, on those who would seek it. But it was also painful to hear because of the responsibility it places upon the individual to work out their own salvation. That idea goes against almost everything I was taught as a Christian. We can do nothing on our own and are completely at the mercy of one greater than ourselves to rescue us if it is his will. But Buddha says, “Here is a path to the end of suffering. Tread it.” And every individual must tread this path him or herself. Buddha tells his follower not to pray to him after he is gone for he will be gone. “Buddhas only point the way. Work out your salvation with diligence.” (Smith 97-quoted from Christmas Humphreys, Buddhism, 1951)
Another odd thing about Buddha’s teachings that were difficult for me was that they were solely pragmatic. Buddha did not deal with metaphysical speculation or any philosophical issues beyond, these are the problems of life and here are the solutions. Buddha did not deal with the universe and humanity’s place in it but rather ignores the universe and deals with where we are here and now. Buddha teaches that humanity’s problem is suffering and his teachings were meant to be tools to solve this problem and if they did not do that than they were worthless and should be abandoned. He compared his teachings to rafts, which help people cross to the other side of a river but once at the other shore they are of no further use. So while amazing this was hard for me in that I love speculation. I love the kind of questions, which not only cannot be answered but are probably of no use even if they can be answered. Yet again I loved Buddha’s continued selflessness and his unwillingness to see his ideas as anything more than tools to be discarded once they had served their purpose. And of supreme importance Buddha’s teachings are egalitarian to the core, similar to Jesus’. He is adamant that women are as capable as men in reaching enlightenment and he constantly rejects the caste system of Hinduism and its assumptions about Brahmin spiritual superiority.
Another difficulty that has arisen from my encounter of Buddha is once again being faced with the question of, “what value does reason hold if any?” While Buddha clearly does not believe reason is the tool needed for achieving enlightenment he does seem to understand its power and gives it a place within his worldview. So I appreciated that but it remained difficult for me because reason has been of great value to me, especially recently so reading the words of Buddha similar to reading the words of Christ were difficult in that they were an assault on my “faith” in reason. As I have read various sayings of Buddha and examined Buddhism I have found myself doubting everything I have written and come to believe in the past year. I have been left examining my confident or at least loud declarations for or against various beliefs. I could not help but feel once again that there must be more to us than merely our flesh or at least I could not help but hope there was. Still my reason remains. It cannot do everything, that I know but even those who view reason as unhelpful or even dangerous must see that reason matters. Even if reason does not contain the power to convince one of the truth it clearly has the power to reject other people’s truth claims. Smith says, “Until reason is satisfied, an individual cannot proceed in any direction wholeheartedly.” (106) and I agree. On the most basic level this can be seen at the very beginning of every person’s religious or spiritual journey. You have to decide what life’s problem is before you can determine any solution and the way people do that is with their heads. Buddha says the problem is suffering, Christ says the problem is sin. My faith in God at age 12 came only after my mind had decided there was a problem (sin) and that Christ was the solution. The core of apologetics is getting people to see there is a problem. You need to use reason to awaken their minds in order that they ultimately choose your faith with their heart. In this sense the mind always precedes the heart. Only after the mind sees a problem in its heart can the heart make up its mind. But doubt remains.
So here I sit wanting to write more and more but not sure I should. Buddha has caused me to doubt myself in a new way and for that I am thankful but also scared. Buddha has reminded me of my past and my wonder in the teachings of Christ. And Buddha has encouraged me to not give up the search for truth. I am not Buddhist and I know very little about Buddha but I do feel I know this much, he was awake.
*perhaps it is fitting that I wrote this on Easter the day that Christians say Jesus once again was "awake"
Since coming to Korea I have been reading about Buddhism and most recently I have been trying to find and read sayings of the Buddha himself. Since then I have been very antsy to write about what I have found and yet I am also very hesitant as I realize I have barely touched the surface of this great and amazing tradition. In truth I only have my gut reactions to share based on limited reading. So I write both eagerly and cautiously.
I have studied Buddhism before in a few classes so when I opened some new books about Buddhism I was not beginning from scratch. But most of what I knew or at least remembered from these classes was historical. I knew the rough sketch of the Buddha’s (Siddhartha Gautama of the Sakyas) life and a little about the spread of Buddhism but that was about all. I could not have told you anything significant about what Buddha taught except a few of the big concepts like the Four Noble Truths and the Eight-Fold Path but of course I could not have told you what those actually were. And even after a few weeks of reading I still mix them up and forget them but what has changed is that I feel like I have experienced something I never had before. I have experienced an encounter with the Buddha. Even as I write that I am not sure what I mean by it. I did not have some spiritual epiphany or out of body experience. The clouds did not part nor did an angel speak to me. But in a small way I did hear a voice. Not in my head but simply on the pages in front of me as I read the words of Buddha. Now whether the words I read were ever actually spoken by the Buddha or not I have no idea. I have spent years studying the Gospels and have seen them examined from every angle to determine what was genuinely said by Jesus verses the author’s creative license and like most things people do not agree. I know that similar studies exist concerning the historical life of the Buddha and trying to determine what he actually taught verses what later believers simply added. But those issues do not concern me here because when I read these words I was affected. I knew I was hearing the words of someone who was different, who was special. I can honestly say it reminded me of many of my experiences with the Gospels.. When I read what Jesus said I knew I was reading the words of someone who was different, who was special. One of the books I have been reading is called “The World’s Religions” by Huston Smith and much of what I write here comes from exposure to that text and the sources it relies on. (I do recommend it to anyone. It gives you the meat of a textbook with the artistry of a story) In it Smith says,
How many people have provoked this question-not “Who are you?” with respect to name, origin, or ancestry, but “What are you? What order of being do you belong to? What species do you represent?” Not Caesar, certainly. Not Napoleon, or even Socrates. Only two: Jesus and Buddha. When the people carried their puzzlement to the Buddha himself, the answer he gave provided an identity for his entire message.
“Are you a god?” they asked. “No.” “An Angel?” “No” “A saint?” “No.” “Then what are you?”
Buddha answered, “I am awake.” (Hudson Smith p.82)
In my reading I have been shown that so many things common to all religions such as authority, speculation, rituals and tradition all seem to be completely absent in the teachings of Buddha. Buddha preached a religion devoid of authority, which instantly caught my attention. For like Christ with the Sadducees and Pharisees he was preaching against a group, the Brahmins, who held a monopolistic grip on religious authority and teachings and sought to make it accessible to all. But unlike Christ Buddha does not replace one religious authority with another instead he challenges individuals not to passively accept what the religious authorities are telling them and instead to do their own religious seeking.
“Do not accept what you hear by report, do not accept tradition, do not accept a statement because it is found in our books, nor because it is in accord with your belief, nor because it is the saying of your teacher. Be lamps unto yourselves. Those who, either now or after I am dead, shall rely upon themselves only and not look for assistance to anyone besides themselves, it is they who shall reach the topmost height.” (Smith, 94-quoted from E.A. Burtt’s The Teachings of the Compassionate Buddha, 1955)
I was both comforted and stung by these words. I love that every time Buddha had the chance to accept the faith of others and place himself above them he did not do it. Instead he placed the burden of enlightenment back upon the individual, on those who would seek it. But it was also painful to hear because of the responsibility it places upon the individual to work out their own salvation. That idea goes against almost everything I was taught as a Christian. We can do nothing on our own and are completely at the mercy of one greater than ourselves to rescue us if it is his will. But Buddha says, “Here is a path to the end of suffering. Tread it.” And every individual must tread this path him or herself. Buddha tells his follower not to pray to him after he is gone for he will be gone. “Buddhas only point the way. Work out your salvation with diligence.” (Smith 97-quoted from Christmas Humphreys, Buddhism, 1951)
Another odd thing about Buddha’s teachings that were difficult for me was that they were solely pragmatic. Buddha did not deal with metaphysical speculation or any philosophical issues beyond, these are the problems of life and here are the solutions. Buddha did not deal with the universe and humanity’s place in it but rather ignores the universe and deals with where we are here and now. Buddha teaches that humanity’s problem is suffering and his teachings were meant to be tools to solve this problem and if they did not do that than they were worthless and should be abandoned. He compared his teachings to rafts, which help people cross to the other side of a river but once at the other shore they are of no further use. So while amazing this was hard for me in that I love speculation. I love the kind of questions, which not only cannot be answered but are probably of no use even if they can be answered. Yet again I loved Buddha’s continued selflessness and his unwillingness to see his ideas as anything more than tools to be discarded once they had served their purpose. And of supreme importance Buddha’s teachings are egalitarian to the core, similar to Jesus’. He is adamant that women are as capable as men in reaching enlightenment and he constantly rejects the caste system of Hinduism and its assumptions about Brahmin spiritual superiority.
Another difficulty that has arisen from my encounter of Buddha is once again being faced with the question of, “what value does reason hold if any?” While Buddha clearly does not believe reason is the tool needed for achieving enlightenment he does seem to understand its power and gives it a place within his worldview. So I appreciated that but it remained difficult for me because reason has been of great value to me, especially recently so reading the words of Buddha similar to reading the words of Christ were difficult in that they were an assault on my “faith” in reason. As I have read various sayings of Buddha and examined Buddhism I have found myself doubting everything I have written and come to believe in the past year. I have been left examining my confident or at least loud declarations for or against various beliefs. I could not help but feel once again that there must be more to us than merely our flesh or at least I could not help but hope there was. Still my reason remains. It cannot do everything, that I know but even those who view reason as unhelpful or even dangerous must see that reason matters. Even if reason does not contain the power to convince one of the truth it clearly has the power to reject other people’s truth claims. Smith says, “Until reason is satisfied, an individual cannot proceed in any direction wholeheartedly.” (106) and I agree. On the most basic level this can be seen at the very beginning of every person’s religious or spiritual journey. You have to decide what life’s problem is before you can determine any solution and the way people do that is with their heads. Buddha says the problem is suffering, Christ says the problem is sin. My faith in God at age 12 came only after my mind had decided there was a problem (sin) and that Christ was the solution. The core of apologetics is getting people to see there is a problem. You need to use reason to awaken their minds in order that they ultimately choose your faith with their heart. In this sense the mind always precedes the heart. Only after the mind sees a problem in its heart can the heart make up its mind. But doubt remains.
So here I sit wanting to write more and more but not sure I should. Buddha has caused me to doubt myself in a new way and for that I am thankful but also scared. Buddha has reminded me of my past and my wonder in the teachings of Christ. And Buddha has encouraged me to not give up the search for truth. I am not Buddhist and I know very little about Buddha but I do feel I know this much, he was awake.
*perhaps it is fitting that I wrote this on Easter the day that Christians say Jesus once again was "awake"
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